Never Will I Ever…..

Yesterday I wrote a blog post about the daily prompt which was to write about your number one influence in your life; tonight I think I am going to write about the one person I hope I am never like. I know it is not very jolly with the holidays and all but its been a rough night and this post just seems to fit right now.

Never will I ever be like my father…

I know that sounds harsh but since I can remember my dad has never been there for me and was hardly there for my family. As I describe this it may seem like I am making it up, like its something you hear about in books or movies but it was my life.

When I was younger my father was never around, he was always traveling for “business” (I will explain the quotation marks later), and just was never hardly home. Then as I got older and we moved to a new town, he moved out of our house for “work”, then once he moved back in my parents started fighting, being little a lot of the time I thought it was about me and a lot of the time it actually was. When they would fight it would be over a plethora of things, sometimes it would be over the fact that he’d put me in holds that were restraints he knew for work and make it so I couldn’t breath, sometimes it would be just because. Then after they would fight he would storm out of the house and yell that he was never coming back and he would be gone for hours on end and we wouldn’t know where he was but he always came back.

Finally in middle school they separated but my parents were trying to “fix” their marriage, then my freshmen year of high school they divorced. They divorced because for the seventeen years of their marriage my dad had, had a million one night stands, on top of his multiple long term affairs. So when he was traveling for “business” it wasn’t really business or if it was there were one night stands.

My father has no empathy for others and it is also how my sister is and that scares me for her, but if something is wrong with others she has no feelings but if something is wrong with her we have to jump to fix it or take care of her. He has disowned me from his life multiple times and pushed his family away so they didn’t know what he had done to end his marriage. He is also a pathological liar and that scares me also. He has rubbed off on my sister in the way that she hates everyone around her it seems like and she has no filter and that is how my dad is and I just don’t want to be like him.

I want to be someone who is completely different than him. I want to be there for my family, dependable, and respectable.