Growing Inside Me

The most important thing she’d learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.
– Jill Churchill

The above quote says it all. My boyfriend and I just recently found out that we are expecting a little one. He already has two children then and doesn’t really want another, at least right now. It is safe to say that this little one wasn’t planned and was a in the heat of the moment oops. I will never treat him/her like a mistake though.

In previous posts I have talked about the abortion that I had and how it really traumatized me and took a long time to get over. My boyfriend isn’t a jerk and I am at a place in my life where having a child wouldn’t be overly difficult. Being a single mom will suck if it comes to that though. I thought about another one but I just know that I couldn’t handle that mentally again and I feel bad because he really wants me to get one. He keeps saying that he isn’t trying to push me, he’s just telling me the facts and things to think about and what not but its like hes being manipulative and doesn’t get it. I feel like he thinks if he puts all these thoughts into my head that it will scare me and I’ll do it.

I love him and will love this baby. I’m scared that I wont be a good mom and everything else but I am going to make it work. I can do it some how. This little thing growing inside me is a scary thought but a blessing at the same time. The above quote is going to be very true. This is going to be an exciting but terrifying experience.

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