Sometimes that is what I feel. I can talk and hang out with my friends but I feel trapped. There is this person inside of me dying to get out sometimes. This person with a rough past who has turned into an amazing woman. This person who wants people to know her for her past and who she has become now. A person who feels like she has to hide it all because its not okay to be who she is or to have the past that I do.
The minute people hear “I have a rough past” they automatically assume I’ve been in legal trouble and that is not it at all, but then once they hear the real story they just treat me as if I’m damaged and broken. Yes there are parts of me that still have been effected by my past but only bits and pieces and I have come a long way in the healing process. I try not to let my past define who I am now. Do I have PTSD mildly yes, it takes affect in anxiety problems I have. But its nothing I’m medicated for because I have learned to cope and know my triggers. There is always going to be some problems when you go through a lot at once.
My whole life was kind of rough but that last two years of high school were probably the worst and then my freshmen year and part of sophomore year of college. But I figured it out and started the real healing process and have come a long way.
Everybody judges but make those judgments after getting to know the person a little bit. You never know what a person has actually gone through if you never ask and don’t get to know them. I have been the girl on that end of the stick and its not enjoyable. You just want people to like you for who you are now and recognize that yes you have a rough past but you turned out okay and look at where you are now. Just like the girl with the smile always on her face who everyone thinks is perfect and has the perfect life could come from a family with problems and be afraid to let anyone in.
People are really not all that difficult or different from one another. We all go through trials and tribulations just some worse than others. We all make mistakes at some point and have to pick ourselves up after being thrown off the horse. It is all those things that make us, us. It is all those things that make us realize what we want in life and who we are. It is those things in which teach us in life to make better choices and allow us to relate to other people.
If you took 15 minutes out of your day to talk to someone who may seem alone or look down, or just somebody new in general you might be quite surprised to find out how much you have in common or just even brighten their day. At work on lunch break? Ask somebody if you can sit with them and strike up a conversation if they allow it. I wouldn’t have the wonderful friends that I do today if it hadn’t been for encounters that were by chance.