Do you ever look at a couple and think to yourself, “how are they together”? Have you ever been in one of those relationships yourself? Where its like water and oil, or even wine and tequila where they go together good at first and then all of a sudden you wake up with a bad hangover? Yet you don’t know how to really get out of the relationship because there are good things yet bad things, sometimes the bad aren’t even big bad things, they are just little things that become a huge problem.
The moment you realize this it can suck, especially if you realize that you have to end it. How do you go about ending it, especially if the person is a sweetheart? In these instances its almost that cliche’ of “its not you, its me” I mean what they are doing may be driving you up the wall but with another person it may not. Or when all of a sudden you have been having a rough time of the relationship and it all of a sudden hits you that it wont work and then that exact moment that you realize it comes into mind of what made you realize it.
I am in a relationship that encompasses all of this. We have been together for a little over a month now and you will be like okay well she is making a big deal out of nothing, it can’t be that serious already. But it is for him. He says he loves me already and I don’t feel the same way. We have almost broken up in the past but he makes such a big deal out of it I stay. It makes me feel entirely trapped in something I don’t want to be in. I am suffocating to death it feels like and I have no way out. Its like I am drowning and can see the sun through the top of the water but I can’t get out no matter how hard I try to swim to the surface.
Wine and tequila don’t mix well together. Thursday night was the night that I realized things weren’t going to work between my boyfriend and I. I think part of me knew that this was going to happen, that it just wasn’t ever going to work because we were to different and he didn’t challenge me in life like I wanted. Thursday we went and had dinner with my grandparents and I was talking about how the first weekend in August I have a National Conference for this organization I started on Iowa State Universities campus and how Madee, my best friend and I would be traveling to North Carolina for the weekend, with all expenses paid. I was so excited and the first thing out of his mouth was, “I have family in the town you will be in I could come visit and stay for the weekend.” I didn’t know this right then, but this was the moment I would come to realize we would never work. He doesn’t trust me and what should be a fun, educational weekend was going to become him trying to take it over when Madee and I would want to explore together.
That night a couple of his friends came up and we went out to the bar and one of my friends went out with me and I was determined to get beyond wasted, which I did. But I tried ending it with him at the end of the night and he through a fit. He is older than me and I have never seen anyone act like that. Well it turned into this huge thing, we are still together. He was drunk so he slept in my bed and DJ and I sat out in the living room and talked about our pasts and life until 5, in the morning. We had that night. Where you realize how similar you are, but I know that for me right now I just want to be single so in May when I graduate I can move where ever I see fit and not be tied down, unless something amazing would come along. Now the Saturday morning I was laying in bed and just realized when I knew it wouldn’t work and we have been at my parents house all weekend so tonight or tomorrow we will be over.
I feel horrible because I hate hurting people and I know he wont take it well. I am worried what he will do or say because he just doesn’t handle it well. Anyways enough about me. But to you out there that have been through this I am sorry. Its hard. If you have advice I am more than willing to hear it.