Spread Your Wings & Fly

I am a 21 year old college student, this is my senior year and I graduate in May. I am almost to the end of another chapter of my life and as scary as that is, I am completely excited to see where life will take me. I wish I could say the same about my mother. I get that it is a mothers job to worry and want to keep their families close but she needs to learn that I need to be able to go out, do my internship some where, and figure out where I want to be in life.

I have about 4 months before I have to really decide where I want to do my internship at and start applying places. That is November and when you say, “Oh I have to start applying for internships in November” it sounds like it is a ways away but its really not. I have been already looking at different states in which I could do my internship or would potentially like to live for a while, because I graduate in May but then have my internship in the summer and will be looking for a full time job. I would love to get an internship where I could potentially get a job offer from them when I am done.

My dad and I don’t have the best relationship and if you read my Daddy Issues post you really know how rocky our relationship is. Yet I find myself wanting to maybe live in South Dakota for a year or two at least until I can save up some money to get a place and start paying back my school loans. I started looking at internships out around the Rapid City area and found a place called Well Spring and they have a ton of different programs, but especially in my area of schooling. My major is child, adult, family services with a focus in youth aged children. This means that I can work with anything from new born to adults and their families but my main knowledge or most of it will be in youth aged children which is considered age 8 to 22. I started contacting this agency and asking about internships and as of this morning as long as I keep in touch I have pretty much already been offered an internship position. This works nicely because its about a half hour away from my dad and he has given me two options. Option one is that I get an apartment in Rapid, which would be nice. Option two is that I live with my dad in a guest bedroom or they have an amazing, air conditioned attic that I could decorate and furnish and make my own. This option sounds amazing because they live at Fort Meede which is an old military base and their backyard is pretty much woods and they just have a gorgeous view. I would love waking up and looking out my window to that every day.

This is where the title of this post comes into play.

I have a rough past and my mom knows about some of it, like my abortion. But she doesn’t know a lot of it and how being three hours away from her when at school has been really good for me because I have had time to find myself and what I like and dislike and what I want in my life. Moms will worry but she takes it just a tad to far. She is my best friend and I love her to death but its like I am not allowed to live for myself, I feel like she thinks I can’t take care of myself, and she is a tad bit suffocating.

When I am at school if she doesn’t hear from me once a day she thinks that something is wrong with me and I get a ton of phone calls and text messages, sometimes even Facebook messages. I love talking to my mom but my grandparents understand better than my mother, they are very old fashioned, that I need my space to find myself.

Today I brought up that I will do my internship either in Iowa, Minnesota, or South Dakota and the fact that I even brought up South Dakota caused and argument and she made me feel really bad, like some how I was betraying her. She has no idea that I already pretty much have an offer for an internship for some where it sounds like I would love and will probably go visit when I go out and visit my dad here in about a month or so. I hate that I can’t tell her because she is one of my best friends and I love her so much, but anything to do with my dad does not go over well.

When I brought up places today she kept pushing and pushing for me to apply for places here and thinking I will want to live here and near her for the rest of my life. But yet she was okay with me looking at places in Wisconsin. Which makes me feel like she doesn’t really care where I go as long as its not with my father. Moving there would give my dad and I the chance to bond but it would also give me the chance to make a life for myself and keep figuring out who I am and what I want in life and where I want to end up all together eventually.

I get that parents worry, but my frustration comes from parents who think they can control their child’s life until the day they die. I will always value my parents opinions and thoughts but I am my own person and I want to live my own life. I don’t want to move terribly far away but I want to be a way. Some day I would love to move to Seattle or Colorado or some where not near here. Family means the world to me.

Another example of parents needing to let their children live their own lives is one of my male friends is 21 almost 22 and his parents are still trying to completely control who he dates. I think that listening to your parents thoughts and feelings on some one is very important because some times they see things that maybe you don’t, but he as been trying to date a very nice girl, who yes they dated once and it just was the wrong time for both of them so it didn’t work and she didn’t break up with him in the best way because she just quit talking to him, but now she has been there for him for over a year through everything and she probably knows more about him then they do; but they gave him flack when he changed his status to in a relationship with her on Facebook. I think that, that is a scenario where they need to actually get to know her, they have never met her, not even talked to her and then go from there.

My big thing is parents should want to see their children happy and doing something they love.

If I do this internship I know I will probably love it. Rapid City is a fun town and would be a blast, South Dakota has a lot of places to hike and things to see and do which would also be amazing and I think that, that is what I need in my life right now. It is not like I am making a poor decision and doing things to harm myself. That is where my frustration comes from, she should be happy for me. I can understand being disappointed but don’t take it out on me and guilt me into staying here, where I may not be happy.

I need to spread my wings and learn to fly on my own. That is how we learn so much in life.

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